I have spent the past few months reading an incredible amount of material both online, and materials sent from respective clinics in the UK.  There is a an inordinate amount of information surrounding infertility in general if you really want to read it.  I think I have read most of it.  Sadly.

I think in rather a specific sort of way, that often helps in my line of work.  This unfortunately doesn’t carry over into every day life very well.  Mainly because I find many people dont think the same way, or more often at the same speed as I do.  It is a big personal failing of mine, one which I battle with every day, both at home and at work.  It often limits my involvement in many things as I find it hard to ‘work at the same speed’.

With this in mind, I have been struggling with some aspects of the fertility treatment.  Yes, it is a very scientific process, but a lot of it is still down to natural luck.  This still baffles me, in the modern day, that luck still plays a huge part in becoming pregnant.

You start off, with a 99.9% chance of success.  When you read that you think, hell yeah! This is going to do the trick.  However, as you go through the different phases before having the fertilised embryo’s transferred back, this can drop to as low as approximately 40%.  That is a very big drop.  It all makes sense when you look at the different phases, and break it down into small steps.  But it still galls me, as there if nothing either my wife or I can do to improve this.

So, we actually started the physical treatment in mid November with my wife starting on the daily injections.  We were, of course, warned about all the potential side affects.  None of which presented themselves.  Thank god!  She managed to complete all of these herself, I didn’t have to administer a single one.  I am so very proud of her for that.  She is not the sort of person who would normally be able to do something like this.  However she seems to have found an immense internal strength at a time when a lot of people would break.

Then in December we went off to the clinic, for our tests and the wife’s regular scans to make sure all was ok.  The first scan was ok, nothing out of the ordinary at all. Then the 2nd scan highlighted the she had started to over stimulate.  This is the biggest risk of taking the drugs associated with IVF.  OHSS can be deadly, if left untreated.  So, as a result the dosage was lowered, and we were warned that they may have to collect the eggs as per normal, but freeze them after fertilisation.  As the risk of contracting OHSS is far higher if you become pregnant (following an over stimulated phase of IVF).

So, we went in for the big day in December.  I ‘played my part’ and they collected the eggs from my wife.  There were way too many.  So they took the decision there and then that we would not be allowed to continue.  Whilst I was set in my mind that this would be the case following the warnings earlier in the week, my wife had not set herself up for this.

To see her in the massively distressed state she was in, I watched on wondering what the hell I could do.  The answer?  Nothing.  This was the way it had to be for her safety.  But it still hurts now, to think of how she was that day.  I dont want to go through that again, yet I full expect we may have too.

Now we are waiting for the nod from the clinic for my wife to start the drugs again, so that they can try and complete a ‘frozen embryo transfer‘

In the UK, the council that sets the rules of conduct for fertility clinics strictly prohibits the transfer of more than one embryo, unless:

• The patient is over a certain age. Where using mor than one is expected to help pregnancy.
• The patient(s) are using frozen embryos.

Clearly my wife and I fall into the latter category.  However, we dont want to transfer more than one, as the risk of twins is still high enough to be counted.  In the US for example you are allowed to transfer more than one upon request.

The big thing I have taken away from this whole thing is that you have to have a very patient mentality. This is something I do not have.  The process is drawn out, full of hurdles, red tape, steps, procedures, tests, drugs, and above all stress.

To be honest, Im not sure why I am even writing all of this down, I guess it is just to help me to remember all the steps involved and to help me process it all.

Just recently the wife and I have stumbled across two Jamie Oliver TV programmes. Now normally I would have say I find that Jamie Oliver is the preserve of those who like to be irritated. He just bugs me.

Now the first programme (Jamie’s foul dinners) that was on TV not so long ago, was an eye in to the world of production of chicken and eggs. In the past the wife and I have always (so far as I can tell) bought free range chicked and eggs. When bought fresh. However one of the things that I don’t think we have ever considered was the quality of these products when included in other produce, like read-to-bake pies. This purcashing of free range produce seemed to come as second nature, what with the wife being a farmers and all.

I don’t think we are ones to follow the latest trends or popular movements, but I have say I have eaten anything but fresh chicken since watching this programme. Since making a concious decision to only eat chicken that I know has been responsibly famed has meant that I have not had chicken for almost a week now. That just goes to show how much of it we ate.

The second programme (shown last night, rather late too) was more about the quality of foods that we tend too stuff down our throats. The show went on to explain that >30 years ago the quality of foods being consumed was much higher, invariably due to the fact many more women stayed at home. Now I am not sure how much truth can be placed on the latter of that argument, but that seems to be some credence to it.

Last nights showing was entitled “Eat to save your life”. On the face of it this seemed to be yet another eat sensibly, exercise blah blah in your face programme. But it wasn’t. I was intrigued. They tried shock tactics, scaring people and just giving people the down right dirty truth about their bodies. Some seemed genuinely concerned, whilst others tried the ‘stuff upper lip’ kepeing up the appearances for the camera.

Dr. Gunther von Hagens displayed some remarkble body slices, as well as showing the ‘insides’ of one healthy man, and one very unhealthy man. The latter looked like he met a very unpleasant end to his life. Sad really. I don’t want the same for me.

Now whilst shock tactics don’t usually have an affect on me, it did provoke a conversation between the wife and I. Off the back of which we have agreed to go and have a well-being assesment with BUPA, or a.n.other practitioner. Now I fully expect to be told as part of this that my diet, lifestyle and general health is very unacceptable for someone of my age, and size. In fact I am sure I will be technically classed as obese. Now the thought of being told that neither scares or worries me, even though I know it should do.

What I do want to do though is go and see a qualified nutritionist who I want to better inform me, so I can make better choices with my diet. Over the last 5 years or so I have seen my health, fitness and overall well-being plummet whilst my waist line has ballooned. This is far from unique, but is not somewhere I want to be any longer. So what can I do? My job invariable makes it impossible for me to carry a ‘packed lunch’ whilst convenient healthy food seems like a paradox in parts of London.

So what is the reason for all this self reflection? Well the wife and I want a family of our own, and I can’t very well be a fat father chasing his children over the park? Can I?

So I need to pull my finger out. Who can I blame but myself? Yes there maybe contributing factors, like the bloody long days, and the frequent drinking, but ultimately it’s either me and my health I need to worry about.